Talent...hmmm

What is talent? How will I know when I find it?

Does it come naturally or will I have to work on it?

What about passion? I don't think I want a talent without passion. (but beggars can't be choosers)

Am I searching for passion instead?

Maybe I just need to find something I'm comfortable with. For instance, what if I discover I can go up to strangers, introduce myself clearly, and not stumble over my words? It's not really a talent per se. I don't think it would be a passion either, but it may be just what I need to fulfill my God-given purpose.

Speaking of introducing myself.... I hate that!
[imaginary conversation]
New Person: Hi. How are you? My name is Jane.
Me [looking down]: mly
New Person: Amy?
Me [looking embarrassed]: No, Em-i-ly.
New Person: Oh, nice to meet you. So, Emily, what do you like to do for fun? What are your hobbies?
Me: Uh... well.... um.... I don't really have any. Most weeknights are spent lying on the couch watching tv, and most weekends are spent cleaning house.
New Person: So you like cleaning the house?
Me: No, I hate it with a passion. (oh hey! I do have a passion!)
New Person: Oh, ok. Well.... um... it was nice meeting you. Good luck with that TV watching!
Me [hanging head in shame]: ...thanks.
[Scene]

My goal: I want to attempt at least two new talents a month. Unfortunately, I cannot afford, time and money wise, to do more than that. BUT I will post in between those times. Don't you worry! :)

Caveat: you may find whining in some of my posts, but hopefully you'll see my true, deep-down joy that I have in my heart...and thankfully, I can laugh at myself. It will be like watching Meet the Parents; you cringe every time he screws up, but laugh and keep on watching.

On my journey to finding my talent...

But now indeed there are many members, yet one body. And the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have
no need of you”; nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” – 1 Corinthians 12:20-21

This passage always scares me. What if I don’t have a talent? What if I’m a spleen and can be removed
without effecting anything?!

I am an introverted, low self-esteem ridden 25 year old. On paper, I sound awesome! I’m 5’9, 135 lbs,
long, thick brown (now kinda reddish) hair, blue eyes, plump lips, straight white teeth, long legs, decent
size boobs, decent size butt, graduated from a great university (Fightin’ Texas Aggie Class of 2008!
WHOOP!), married my best friend, just bought a house, we have two Boxers (Emmitt and Maggie –
you’ll hear more about them soon enough), wonderful friends, large Christian family, the best family
anyone could ask for … yet, there’s a disconnect.

I see a clumsy, awkward, talent-less loser. I’m not funny. I’m a sarcastic cynic. (No one wants to be
called a cynic, add sarcastic to the front and it’s a double whammy!) I try to be friendly, but always
stumble over my words. I’m horrible at small talk. I’m not quick on my feet. Maybe in about two days
I’ll come back to you with a witty comeback. Although I’m constantly thinking, my thoughts are weird…
different than everyone else’s. I’m picky as all get out. Which I would think would make other people’s
life easier, but according to my mom and those who ask me what I want for dinner disagree. Unless
it involves chicken or chocolate, there’s not a guarantee I’ll like it. And to top it all off, I feel like I got
my degree in something I love (psychology) for no reason because I transmit document all day long.

What brought along the blog was my most recent bout of self-loathing: I can’t connect with girls at
church, I’ve been messing up at work, my house is filthy, I ruined dinner, and my fat & cellulite are
looking especially prominent. But in ladies bible study, we’re studying how to serve, but specifically
humility. I’m humble (paradox... if you say you’re humble are you really?!)… I don’t let compliments
go to my head… but wait, I don’t even let the compliment enter my brain at all. I block them
out immediately. Don’t tell me I’m good at something; you’re wrong, I’m horrible at everything!

So… I’ve decided instead of taking anti-depressants or paying money to see a therapist, I am going to
BLOG! I’m going to try new things, try to keep an open mind, and live life to the fullest (never really
done that before)! Primarily, this blog will be for me, to keep me on track with my goals, but if you
benefit from it too, then maybe I’ve found my talent!